I think i messed me up

**Spoiler Alert** I'm about to throw a temper tantrum. If you don't want to read something negative, stop now **Spoiler Alert**

Debbie Downer, Negative Nancy, Pessimistic Patty, Whiney Wendy.....I hate them all however, I've become them all lately. The stress, the uncertainty, the lack of motivation, the lack of feeling of  purpose....its all piling up and I'm not really sure what to do to handle it.....How to get back to my old self....one that I like much more than the person I have become.

I want to go to work and feel productive, I want to go to work and do something....ACTION, help me here people. I want to enjoy life. I want to live life to the fullest, I want to feel a purpose. When the government shut-down on October 1, I was sent home. No work, no paycheck, no contact with my ranchers (interestingly the latter has been the hardest part, I never realized just how much I enjoy talking to these guys each week). Here we are into the third week of furlough and its really starting to eat on me. And when it rains, it pours.....more homeownership problems that will inevitably cost into the thousands happened and I cried bawled like a baby for an hour. Did it help the whole cluster that has made up my life over the last 3 weeks, no....but I felt a little better for a while.

These lyrics by Clint Ingersoll really make me reflect on my current attitude and the desire to change it. Even though he is an unsigned artist in Nashville, this kid can write! and dance!

Hey God, I think I messed me up
cuz this can't be who you meant for me to be
I been so gone for so long
I don't remember who I was
Hey God, I think I messed me up

I can feel this fire fading fast
and it won't be long before its dark and cold
whiskey flame burns brights, but there is no way it can last
I can feel this fire fading fast

Its a crazy thing to dream the blues
wish upon a star of misery
you'll kill yourself dreamin, just to die if it comes true
Its a crazy thing to dream the blues

Hey God, I think I messed me up
cuz this can't be who you meant for me to be
I been so gone for so long
I dont' remember who I was
Hey God, I think I messed me up

Hey God, I think I messed me up.

What do you do to get out of a rut? Kick the blues?

3 comments:

  1. Ugh....I'm so sorry you're in a rut. That happens to everyone at some point, and it's hard to get out of. I am totally a list maker/doer type person (I think you are too), so I think the best thing to do is to get doing what you can---join a Bible Study, start a new work out video, organize your desk, whatever you can do that's going to make you feel productive. And seriously, this home ownership thing can really suck, huh?? I've had those crying on the floor moments. Remember a certain oven fire?? Yep. But you'll get through it!

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  2. Believe me, I feel your pain. We are in the position that we aren't sure if we'll be able to farm next year because we get our loan through FSA. We went through a bank this year but had to have FSA co-sign on the loan with us guaranteeing the loan since we're such young farmers. If no FSA, no co-signer for us...could mean no bank loan. Scary stuff. Glad the politicians are having fun in DC.

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  3. Praying for you, girl. The song lyrics are perfect. Nothing is too far messed up for God. He's gonna get you through. And in the meantime - know that there are prayers going up with your name written all over them.

    -Amy

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