Monday, October 19, 2015

REPRINT: i can't have it all. so for now, here's what i choose

Damn. Once again someone else wrote my thoughts...way better than I ever could have put them into words. This article is a reprint from the Huffington Post.....but I added my own pictures.

Her words, my pictures. Really, really read her words. She says its perfectly! Link to original article. Thank you Kristen for having the perfect words!

It happens again. You're perfect. You say all the right things, awaken an energy in me that was dormant, and seem to read every thought I have like a book. I laugh more, I'm the version of me I really love to be, I talk with more wit, I feel elevated.
Then the inevitable question comes along: Is this what I've been waiting for? Is it worth making a change, putting something else first, and taking a route different from the freedom I've come to know and love? Will I stay?
I'm sorry, but for now, my love is the road.
You know, I'd love to stay and get to know you, but right now I'm getting to know me. I'm learning who I am without anyone else's input or definition. I'm discovering whether I prefer Thai fried rice or Vietnamese noodles. I'm finding out if I like breathing under the water like a mermaid with a scuba tank on my back, or whether I prefer hiking up a trail and sleeping under the stars.
Hiking Pikes Peak, my first "14'er"

You see, I'm trying out new things I never thought I was brave enough for before. I'm starting to realize how capable I am of making all my own decisions, and facing my fears all on my own. I'm figuring out that I can do this pretty well solo. You might compliment that, but you also might complicate it.
Life is a series of trade-offs. You can't have it all, and for now, I choose me.

Mountain biking at Wilkins Peak, never even knew I wanted to MTB!

 I have to form an opinion on a sunset without anyone else's input. I must enjoy a view by myself, because I'm starting to learn that hanging out with me is pretty cool. It sounds silly, but I have to learn who I am before I can share my being with anyone else.
I need to learn to say "I love you" in at least 20 more languages before I can say it to you and mean it.
I still have so much more ahead of me, and I'm free like a bird now. I can turn right or left, go north or south; I can turn right around, and it's all up to me. 

Sunrise in Maui, ready to sea kayak & deep water snorkel

I'd be lying if I said that I don't sometimes dream of a white picket fence and a porch swing for two. I imagine a reality where I would open the door to the same view every day and feel joy, because it would be a life shared with someone who makes me feel alive.
Since I have these thoughts from time to time, I know that one day I'll know exactly what I want. One day I'll be ready.
But for now I see an image of a beach far away from here, or a gorgeous mountaintop view that I never knew existed, and yet another item gets added to the list of places I simply must go. This is a list, by the way, that never stops growing.

Top of Phillips Ridge, Jackson, WY - Fall MTB ride

So for now, my dear, I have to do this for me. I have to keep seeing the world, and I have to find ways to help other women do the same, because this is a journey that we all deserve to have.
I have to find out whether I prefer chocolate or vanilla, palm trees or pines, city or countryside, salsa or step dancing.
It's nothing personal.
It's not about pleasing, disappointing, or experiencing it with anyone else. While I don't have it all figured out quite yet, I know this much:

My love is the road.
Road in Germany

 And so, for now, I'm getting to know me.

1 comment:

  1. " You know, I'd love to stay and get to know you, but right now I'm getting to know me." yes yes yes!! So grateful got the time to do this!!