on turning 33

There will be no rights of passage this year. I can already buy lotto tickets, go to the bar, car insurance has decreases and I can't yet get the senior discount. But its here, 33 years old. Dang, that is getting awfully close to 35 and.....eeeeekkkkkkk......40. A little too close for comfort because I don't feel like I have it all figured out yet and people who are 33 are supposed to have it figured out, their ducks in a row, poop in a group....ya know.

I never in a million years envisioned the life I'm living at 33. I thought that by the time I was 33 I'd have a job (which I do), I'd have a husband (which I do not), I'd have at least one little rugrat running around (which I do not), I'd have a house with a yard (which I do), I'd have a dog (which I do) and I'd have a white picket fence (which I do not). Although there is an absence of a few major life events that I thought I would have checked off by the time I was 33, there are quite a few things that I do have that I never even dreamed of and for that, I'm thankful.

I have memories that probably wouldn't have happened if I'd lived out what I thought my life path was going to be to 33.

I wouldn't be the mostly independent girl (still freaks me out to say woman) that I am.
I wouldn't have tried (and loved) mountain biking, wakeboarding and skiing.
I wouldn't have the memories of many weekend trips with friends.
I wouldn't have the experience of moving to brand new states, knowing next to no one.
I wouldn't have hiked a 14'er.
I wouldn't have vacationed in Europe or Hawaii
I wouldn't have a trip to Peru to hike the 28-mile Ancient Inca Trail to Machu Picchu booked.
I wouldn't have a trip to the Galapagos Islands to snorkel and hike booked.
I wouldn't have lost 50 lbs.
I wouldn't have the memories of Birthday Weekends.
I wouldn't have run 1 half marathon, much less 2.
I wouldn't (probably) even live in Wyoming.

Not to say you can't do these things if you are married and have kids and a white picket fence, but I think its a lot harder and I just don't think I would have put forth the effort that I have to do these things. I tend to put others before myself and just thinking about a family makes me realize that they would go before me....so I need to do "me time" before I do the family thing.  There are more than just yourself and your dog to worry about taking care of. Tylie doesn't panic when I up and leave for a couple weeks and don't call.....well she does, but she can't voice that or dial the phone so I pretend like she doesn't panic.

I think a lot about what I don't have, wondering if I'll ever have those things and I question if I am willing to trade my freedom and independence for those things and all I can come up with is....not yet. Could that change tomorrow? Yes. Have I found out completely who I am yet? Not yet.

I like who I am finding in myself, but I think there is more to me than just what's in 33 year old me. And right now who I want to be looks something like this (I think....we will probably have to ask 43 year old me if I was off my rocker in 10 years).

Who I want to be physically - I was to be a strong, fit role model for those around me. I want to lift heavy weights, I want to ski, I want to mountain bike and I want to use health to see the world from places that are off the beaten path. I want to wear cute clothes and not brush my hair. And I want another tattoo. I want to do....not simply be. I want to be pretty and smile a lot. I want to be happy.

Who I want to be emotionally - I want to believe in myself and I want to believe there is good in others. I want to be proud of who I am. I want to be confident and I want to inspire others to be the best version of themselves that they can be. I want to get involved with projects/organizations that I truly believe in, that make the area they serve a better place to live. I want to make a difference in people's lives.

Who I want to be mentally - I want to be more involved in the political process of a Presidential  election.....not like actually volunteering or something crazy like that, but I want to be aware and really research the candidates and make sure my vote counts the way I think it should. I want to be the best person that I can be in my career, even if my career happens to change somewhere down the road. I want to rock the "classes" that I am considering signing up for. I want to learn Spanish. I want to read books (ones with real paper pages) and be up to date on current events.